Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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