I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
