you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
