So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
