Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
