I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
