Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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