Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
