Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
