your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
