I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize