Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
