i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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