Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
