Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
