When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
