The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
