trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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