How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
