I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize