:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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