It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
