I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
