A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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