so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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