Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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