so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
