Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
