I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
