Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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