At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
