I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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