I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
