does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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