party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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