none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
