I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
