bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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