hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
