i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
