So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
