the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
