Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
