I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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