I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
