grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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