he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
