Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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