everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize