There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
