Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am one with the molecules
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
