you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
