i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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