I have demons in me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
