like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize