john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
