i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
