I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
