My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
