just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
