in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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