Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize