he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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