the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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