do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
