We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
