She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
