The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
