Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
