I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
