Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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