roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
