Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
