I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There's even glitter on my cock...
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