Princesses don't give blow jobs
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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