I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
