Need sex. Gaining weight.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
