Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
