i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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