Can i not drive my cunt home
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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