Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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