WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
