Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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