Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
