dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
