just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
