I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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