my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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