guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
