STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
