Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
