Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
