Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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