In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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