either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
