Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
