You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
