Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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