well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The police scanner is talking about you again....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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