I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
