id be glad to
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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